Over the many years as counsel and facilitator to adult daughters of alcoholic mothers, I began to see a pattern of common issues and specific characteristics that are universal to adult daughters as a direct result of growing up with our alcoholic mothers: Many daughters will grow up to be a Super Woman.
Common Characteristics of Adult Daughters may include:
. Women who are trapped by the Super Woman Syndrome and are compelled to live their lives by devotion to perfection, are driven to take charge, organize and accomplish everything possible within a set of impossible standards, ideals and goals.
. Women who withhold love from themselves.
. Women who chronically employ "disaster reporting" instead of acknowledging the success of their lives.
. Women who feel burdened with guilt when they say no, have difficulty with setting healthy boundaries with their alcoholic mother (and others) long after leaving their family of origin.
. Women who do not know they have the right to remove themselves from a harmful situation.
. Women who are continuously plagued with procrastination, lack self-confidence to move forward.
. Women whose self-talk from their inner critic seldom ceases its severe critique; frequently will second guess decisions, use word weapons to destroy self-love and self-respect.
. Women who may be highly successful in professional relationships and career, yet still feel like a fraud.
. Women who unconsciousley drop back into their old family role during a visit "home".
. Women who struggle with a shame based identity and with having a positive sense of self worth and self esteem, may have a distorted body image.
. Women who have trust issues even with safe people and have difficulty "letting their walls down" to experience and enjoy intimacy.
. Women who may want to forgive their alcoholic mother, but are not able to get past their resentment
. Women who repetitively choose relationships with alcoholic/addicted men.
. Women who compulsively over-focus on the lives and problems of others instead of keeping the focus on their own lives, or over-do for others and under-do for themselves.
. Women who consistently experience bouts of stress and anxiety that seem to come from "out of nowhere", and may experience "anniversary blues" often around their birthday.
. Women who who have porous boundaries with tendencies to immediately "merge" emotionally with others.
Many of these traits are universally common to daughters of alcoholic mothers and other under-mothered women. If you find yourself experiencing more than a few of the characteristics, this may be an indication of an area of personal work that is calling out to you for your attention. Please feel free to call or email if you would like more information regarding the services that are available to you. This includes office appointments or long distance phone consultation which is available in the USA only.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.